A very merry f***ing Christmas goes out to the white van driver who thought I needed a ditch-water shower right in the middle of my run along the A4 outside Twyford today.
You made absolutely no attempt to slow down or avoid the huge puddle. Instead you created an arching splash of about 10 feet in height that I couldn't avoid. There is a law against this in this country, but I guess as a stereo-typical white van driver you must think this only applies to other people.
I know this was probably very funny to you and I certainly laughed in disbelief (after I'd finished effing and jeffing and gesticulating at you) at just how inconsiderate you were. I also had a chortle to myself when I got back when changing and discovered my jocks were soaking too, but that's not the point.
Anyway, as you're lucky enough to have disappeared before I could get your registration number and as it's Christmas I'll let you off. I do however declare you officially on Santa's bad list and as you're a grown up, I transfer this to your kids. I hope they wake you up nice and early tomorrow morning and then fall into a right grumpy mood and really get up your nose because Santa didn't bring them anything they wanted - they're on the bad list now after all 😉 .
Merry Christmas inconsiderate stereo-typical white van man.